Self Compassion...

While sometimes showing great compassion to others, I have slowly become aware over the past year of how uncompassionate I am toward myself.  It followed the discovery that my boundaries were porous, when they existed at all.  Of course, there's more to that story...but it will have to wait.  This is being written mostly for myself...funny how getting things down on paper, journaling, helps cement them and gives you a different perspective.

I know the reasons I have not always taken care of myself...learning self compassion by establishing practices as a reminder, is not always easy.  I have two helpful books on self care, the first is Cheryl Richardson's "The Art of Extreme Self-Care" and the second is Shahida Arabi's "The Smart Girl's Guide to Self Care".  They both help me see that I need to to put myself first, the reverse of what I have done most of my life.

Compassion, or lack thereof, is ingrained.  If I drop something on the floor, spill something, make a mistake at doing anything; my immediate reaction is to call my self a name.  Notice I separated my and self?  That's because when I engage in this behavior, that's how I feel...like I am outside speaking to the inner me that way.  I would never think of speaking that way to someone else (unless maybe in traffic, where they couldn't hear me).  That last part...I don't really want to hear myself trash talk others either.  So I realize it's a habit and like any other habit, it's hard to break.  I've been doing it a long time.  Money is tight these days and one way I've devised to help correct this habit is to toss change into a jar when I trash talk myself.  This method is just beginning so I'll have to let you know how it works but generally speaking, anything that has a financial impact is going to grab my attention.

While in a coaching group, I envisioned this mean girl as a separate entity in the form of a bird and I sat her on the limb of a tree next to me.  Every time mean bird/girl would pipe up, I would tell her to pipe down.  It was excellent for making me aware of how much I engaged in negative self talk.  Like why do I think I should be perfect and not make mistakes, right???

So I'm aware of where my self criticism comes from, am taking better care of myself (it's a work in progress) and now I'm hopefully developing a new way of talking to myself.  How about you?  Do you engage in negative self talk?  If so, how do you deal with it?  Share please...